Sunday, November 27, 2011

Whip Tech, Slide in the Polls - Yes... They Suck That Bad!

So we beat Georgia Tech easily and drop a spot or two in the BCS Poll?! Maybe we should drop the Nerds from our schedule to prevent this from happening in the future. They suck so bad they pull you down even when you trounce them. Hmmm...

Anyway, Tech is done and we will think about them again around Thanksgiving 2012. For now, our focus shifts to LSU and the most prized piece of hardware in College Football - the SEC Championship. The BCS can kiss my ass. Herbstreit and May can kiss my ass. Spurrier can kiss my ass. Polls don't matter nor do the pundits. All that matters is going out next Saturday and winning our third SEC Crown under Coach Mark Richt. By the way, Coach Richt now has seven 10 win seasons in eleven years at Georgia. HE KNOWS WHAT THE HELL HE IS DOING!

To get everyone in the mood for LSU here are a few early limericks (keep them coming guys)

Gadget Dawg

There once was a coach name of Les, his antics were so hard to guess, while his team kicked some ass, he at up some grass, and his players turned grass to a mess!

There once was a badger of honey, who went to the bayou for money, he smoked some fake grass, they suspended his ass, whatchu think makes his hair look so funny?

There was a tall lad name of Jord, and on friday he got kind of bored, he got in a drunken brawl, they wouldn't let him play ball, til they needed a QB to score.

Mr Shepard he did love to tweet, 'bout the teams that L$U plans to beat, but the text he did type, Dawgs prove to be hype , and some cold crow he'll soon have to eat!

Rex Robinson

What is a Bulldawg to do, when faced with a great LSU? Corndogs will be eaten and we may yet be beaten, but it will NOT be BAYOU!

Rex even submitted a Haiku:

Mad Hatter is here...losing is in his future...he will be pissed off!


Russell Shepard is boldly Tweetin', none of that ish is worth repeatin', with one catch per game, he sounds pretty lame, soon he'll meet Shawn Williams for de-cleatin'

There will be more added, so check back daily.

Go DAWGS, beat the Corn Dogs. GATA!

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Let The Big Dawg Eat!

The Dawgs take prehistoric Grant Field to win their tenth consecutive game this season and to secure the 10th victory in eleven tries over the Nerds during the Richt era. It will be embattled Coach Mark Richt testing wits with the Great Paul Johnson. The same Paul Johnson that Senator Blutarsky reminds us was able to lose to the two worst Georgia teams fielded under Richt. Of course, Georgia is headed to the SEC Championship Game next week while Tech will wait by the phone for the Emerald Nuts Bowl to call. But if you think these Dawgs are overlooking the North Avenue Trade School, you will be mistaken. Hating Tech is bred in the bone of all Bulldogs and our players will be ready to squish the bugs again like always.

 In honor of Clean, Old-Fashioned Hate Week I have penned a few limericks that I posted on Twitter. I am now posting them here for my non-Twitter friends to see. Some are good, some are a little wanting, but they're free so what the hell...

There once was a nerd named Looper, he went to Tech - how super, call it divinity, he lost his virginity, to a handsome fellow stormtrooper.

There was a young Techie in a daze, his vision was blurred by a haze, it happened again, number 9 out of 10, the Dawgs won it as always.

The Techie said not to fear, as his frown went ear to ear, woefully he quipped, our ass just got whipped, maybe we will win it next year.

Pardon if I am remiss, for failing to hammer on this, all they can win, is 1 out of 10, and their uniform is the color of piss.

Joe was a Techie for life, but his days were full of strife, since dressed as ObiWan, he went to Dragon Con, n made a real Wookie his wife.

Here comes Wrambling Wreck - a'hoy, Marching Yellow Jackets - oh joy, we love game day, no we're not gay, OhmyGod Look - it's Flag Boy!!!

Techie went hunting by the water, he was equipped for the slaughter, saw a naked dame, asked if she was game, she said "yes" so he shot her.

At Tech it's always in style, and sure to make the nerds smile, to get with the boys, crank up the noise, and have a sweet tickle pile.

Tech plays football-who knew, and wins over Georgia are few, but year after year, they whine and they jeer, soon we'll be the boss of you.

At Tech it's every boy's wish, to become part of a niche, rule the whole school, and be super cool, like Mohamed, Clayton and Jugdish.

Oh the Tech Man does cry, no matter how hard he'll try, he still can't get laid, without her getting paid, and the title in '90 was a tie!

Paul Johnson's a douche for sure, his ass-hattery is without cure, a one trick pony, we'll prove he's a phony, another loss he will soon endure.

There once was a Techie from Nantucket, whose teams always did suck it, he said with chagrin, as he took it on the chin, we'll never beat Georgia - aww fuck it!

There once was a coach called CPJ, his fans whined and cried about UGA, he said with disgrace, punch'em in the face, then lost to 'em again the next day!

There once was a QB named Ball, he lost to the Dawgs every fall, with a failing SAT score, he couldn't count to 4, he clocked the last down - great call!

The nerd fan base was ecstatic, cheers for the Jackets were emphatic, Humanitarian Bowl at 10:00 am, despite losing to Georgia again, Hey 7-6 it's totally Chantastic!

There once was a girl at Tech, she wasn't very cute. That is all.

You'll work for us someday, that's what the Tech men say, when year after year after year, the Jackets give them little to cheer, since they are owned by U-G-A!

The Jackets band was so cute, when it sneaked behind the Redcoats to toot, then came Glory Glory, and the scared nerds did scurry, crapping their mustard pants en route!  This was a request from Jen_eration_X based on this video:

There once was a trade school in the hood, had a football team that wasn't good, excuse making aplenty, not even Top 20, if you aren't laughing at Tech - you should.

A Tech Man needs no introduction, great are his skills of deduction, if two teams were in yellows, he'd recognize his fellows, by their unmistakable suction.

Tech once had a coach named John Heisman, his name is known by every fan, the trophy that bears his name, no Jacket player can claim, though two each Georgia and Navy can.  

Tech nerds have a race on a tricycle, it is cute to watch the dorks giggle, they laugh and they play, chase the girls away, then they make a big pile and tickle. Another request from Jen_eration_X based on this video:

There once was a Techie who couldn't steer, Crushed the Ramblin' Wreck from front to rear, it was not insured, Dawgs laughter long endured, But that boy's a hell of an engineer.

No Chan no Reggie no Little Joe, No Goose no Calvin no Randy Rhino, a new breed of nerds, to hate like lizards, as we win number 10 in a row.

UPDATE: Rex Robinson kicked in (pun intended) with a few limericks that were brilliant:

There once was a coach at THE JOKE, who seldom thought when he spoke. He constantly cried about fish seldom fried, but never acknowledged he choked.

One of Tech's biggest regrets, was letting Reggie say DOWN! SET! With one down to go, which he didn't know, he decided to "hedge" his last bet!

In the first half with time running out, the game still somewhat in doubt, Blair had a miss but hey, what is this? Fryer Schmuck called a timeout? (Obviously this was done after the game)

And Gadget Dawg offered these beauties:

There was a man on the flats, whose brain was too big for his hats, he thought it was smart, to insult folks from Walmart, but oops!, it was run by a Gnat!

There once was a coach, oh so smug, with an annoying smirk on his mug, his team cannot pass, he looks like an ass, and he sat in the hole his mouth dug!

So here we are... 2 hours from kickoff. Grantham's Dawgs will be ready to stuff the triple option early and often. Look for Aaron Murray to have a big first half and our running backs to have a big second half as we grind Tech into the turf.

Go Dawgs, GATA!!!


Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving Dawgs

I have been too busy with family fun to blog this week. But I want to take a moment and express how thankful I am for the blessings God has bestowed on me, my family and friends. I am thankful for our men and women in uniform for providing us the blanket of freedom under which have the opportunity to prosper.

I am thankful for my amazing wife, my wonderful kids and my awesome family and friends.I am thankful for Coach Mark Richt and the Georgia Bulldogs. Thank you for contributing to this unforgettable year.


Friday, November 18, 2011

Time To Roll This Bus Throught the Front Door of the SEC East!

Well... Auburn provided the resistance of helium-filled beach balls on greased roller skates. It was a great, dominant, team win for the Dawgs but now Kentucky becomes the next "must-win" as we chug-a-lug this big ole bus straight through the front door of the SEC East Championship.

The Dawgs are favored to win by 30. That seems high unless we are playing Auburn again. But Kentucky can't score against bad defenses. There is no way they are scoring more than 17 against Georgia and that is if we give them help.  This is a game that we should only need to score 20 to win. We may get there by the end of the first quarter. Surely we will have the 20 points we need by half time. Naturally, this game falls in a perfect trap position between Auburn and Tech, but this team has me convinced that they are focused enough to not allow this year's version of Kentucky to come into Athens and turn over our party bus.

There will be plenty of time to hate Tech next week. Let's get it done early and often today and keep everyone healthy. 

Take the Dawgs and give the points. Dawgs are going back to the Dome, through the front freaking door, baby! All aboard...

Go Dawgs! GATA!

Friday, November 11, 2011

GATA Dawgs. This Is the Next Big Game!

The Dawgs have played "must win" games since Week 3. Now that we are in the driver's seat in the SEC East, without question this now becomes the biggest "must win" game of the season. While South Carolina very well may lose to Florida before our game kicks off, a Dawgs victory virtually assures us the SEC East. We will deal with Kentucky next week. K? A Carolina loss and UGA win clinches it.

Many have expressed surprise that the Dawgs are a 13 point favorite over Auburn. That does seem high, but I like our match ups in this game. Grantham's Dawgs are gearing up to stop Auburn's running attack led by super sophomore Michael Dyer and will probably dare them to throw it on us with Sophomore QB Clint Moseley who has 44 career pass attempts. Dyer is dangerous but if our defense plays the run as it has all season, we won't let him beat us. Moseley may be an accurate passer, but he is green and he is no threat to run. Jarvis Jones likes the sound of that.

When our offense takes the field, we will face the nations 85th ranked rushing defense and the 50th ranked passing defense. Our offense ranks 43rd and 39th in those corresponding categories. It appears to me that our passing offense is finally hitting its stride with the emergence of clutch receivers like Chris Conley and Michael Bennett and with the return of Malcolm Mitchell these three guys will help take some of the attention away from veterans Orson Charles and Tavarres King. As long as our O-line gives Murray time tomorrow, he is going to have a big day. Isaiah Crowell and company will need to be sharp in pass protection and keep Murray safe from big hits.

While Auburn's run defense appears to be their bigger weakness, I don't see this as a game where we try to pound the ball. I think we will use the run to set up the pass. Balance is probably what we will see. I just hope it is not balance for the sake of balance. Hopefully Crowell will be healthy throughout and will get 20 touches. If that happens, go ahead and buy your ticket to the Dome.

Two things I want to note:
(1) We haven't scored a defensive TD or special teams TD all season. That will change tomorrow.
(2) Blair Walsh will not miss another FG attempt inside of 50 yards this season.

I am leaving in a few minutes to make the 6 hour drive to Athens. See y'all there.

Go Dawgs! GATA!

Kiss My Ass, Kick My Ass, Kick Your Ass: Season 2, Volume 5

It has been a few weeks, but here we go...

Kiss My Ass - Joe Paterno and all of the other enablers in State College. If the allegations in the grand jury report are true or are even remotely true, then the failure of moral responsibility shown by Joe Paterno and others at Penn State is so stupefying and colossal that there is absolutely no excuse and their immediate dismissal is just the first step. Here's the deal... if McQueary had called Joe Paterno and reported that he witnessed Sandusky sexually assaulting Joe's 10 year old grandson, how would Paterno have responded? Oh, but it wasn't Joe's grandson or any other kid he loved, so what did Joe do? Not much. How could he ever allow Sandusky within a mile of his facility after this came to light? How could he allow such a despicable act or acts to be swept under the rug and kept quiet so that Sandusky could potentially continue preying upon little boys? How could McQueary ever cross paths with Sandusky again without splitting his face with a claw hammer? I am so thoroughly disappointed that Paterno let those kids down. All the good he did for 60+ years is nullified in my view by his failure in the most crucial crisis he faced as the leader of the Penn State program. It is a heartbreaking yet disgusting failure and for that, Joe Paterno et al can Kiss My Ass.

Kick My Ass - Kwame Geathers. Last Saturday, I took my kids to the Dawg Walk. We were right behind the sousaphones. In fact, the kids were reaching out and slapping five with all the players.  Some players were tiny, some were small, some were medium sized, some were large, some were huge, and then there was Kwame. He is monolithic. He is listed as 6-6 and 350 lbs. He looked like he was two of me, or more. I hope he will focus his energy and destruction on the Auburn backfield tomorrow, but if for any reason he wanted to, he could most likely Kick My Ass.

 Kick Your Ass - Jerry Sandusky. I will make this short because this vile, monstrous, sub-human makes me so sick I can hardly stand writing his name. I believe medieval justice would be too lenient for him. If he gets his ass kicked or worse a thousand times in prison, it won't be enough.

Friday, November 04, 2011

Game of the Eon

There are games of the decade, games of the century and perhaps games of the millennium, but based on the hype around the Alabama-LSU game, it could be the first (and only) "Game of the Eon." I am not saying the hype is not warranted, but won't we all be disappointed if the game does not live up to the hype?

So this is the proverbial Irresistible Force meeting an Immovable Object game. Vegas thinks that LSU is a little bit movable since they are giving them 4 or 4.5 points in Tuscaloosa. Having a regular season SEC game featuring #1 vs #2 is unprecedented (I believe I saw this somewhere.) That both teams have looked so demonstrably better than the rest of the field of college football is unquestionably unprecedented. Interestingly, #1 LSU is the underdog to #2 Alabama. Bama is at home, so that tilts things there way a little. However, LSU has played a tougher schedule and made it look easy, which illustrates their worthiness of the current top spot in the polls. Both teams are at least two touchdowns better than any other team in college football right now. I think this is why the game has received so much hype and why many believe this is the de facto National Championship Game. In that case, all are well-advised to not miss this one. And... you can watch it without all those Tostitos commercials.

My favorite part of this game is the contrast between the two teams and their head coaches. Alabama and Nick Saban seem completely machine-like in their methodical, relentless and consistent approach to the game. In my work, I spend a fair amount of time in Chinese factories where there is a constant cacophony of machine presses and stamping presses pounding sheet metal into various shapes with tireless efficiency and precision. This is Alabama. They are a Chinese sheet-metal stamping program. Not too fancy. Not too flashy. Just non-stop production with an endless supply of raw material and personnel.

I have also spent a lot of time in the artisan village of Tonala, Mexico where skilled craftsmen using their hands and rudimentary tools produce beautiful, creative, one-of-a-kind objects of art. These Mexican craftsmen take great pride in their work but they also love to have a good time drinking, singing, whistling at girls and shooting off fireworks for no apparent reason. You know what is coming next... LSU and Les Miles are a Tonala arts and crafts program. They work to create something beautiful and unique and they are willing to accept flaws in the final product so long as it is true to the artist's vision.

So what happens when the machinists square off with the artists? To invoke another analogy, it is like Terminator against Sarah or John Connor. I think the biggest distinction is how emotion plays a bigger role for LSU than it does for Alabama. Playing on emotion can work for you or against you where as playing with a mechanical, laser-like focus typically allows you to ride out the waves of emotional ups and downs and maintain course. Obviously, I am generalizing, as I understand that both teams will have an element of mechanical focus and emotional surges during the game. But on the whole, I think it is plain to see some dividing characteristics between these two teams and their head coaches as I have pointed out above. So what does it all mean?

I believe that on paper, Alabama has a stronger team with solid fundamentals, depth and experience. But, the margin is thin enough that LSU can win the game in Tuscaloosa if they channel their emotions into sound execution on key plays during the game. From a position-by-position analysis, Alabama has the better offensive line and top tailback but LSU has more running back depth and has the more seasoned quarterback. While Jarrett Lee has met his struggles early in his career, he has had a great senior season and gives LSU an edge in experience and in the vertical passing game.On the other hand, Trent Richardson is the best running back in college football and will soon be the best running back in the NFL. LSU has a great defensive line, but if they don't corral Richardson at the line of scrimmage, the LBs and DBs will bounce off of him like pinballs.

One X-factor in this game is LSU's playmaker Tyran Matthieu who has shown the ability to frequently be in position to wreak havoc and create turnovers. He is much more dangerous in passing situations, so Alabama can neutralize him by running the ball with authority for four quarters.

Alabama's receivers are not going to strike too much fear in the LSU defense, but the LSU receivers have been less than consistent in big games the last couple of years, So one of these two receiving corps will have to step up and make a difference. 

Kicking game, turnovers, special teams, untimely penalties, blah blah blah... There really is no way for me to predict the outcome of this game. Vegas likes Bama. My nephew is at Bama, so I want him to enjoy a huge win Saturday night. I am not sure it will happen. I am not sure it won't. I hope that all of us fans without a Dawg in the fight are treated to a great game that lives up to the hype. A final score of 24-21 or 21-20 would be fantastic. A clash of two styles, both effective and punishing, culminating with an undisputed #1 team in the Eon... that is what we are looking for. Meanwhile, on the other channel, Go Hawgs!

Update: After sleeping on this post, I woke with this feeling... This game will be similar to the Alabama-Auburn game last year in the sense that LSU is the emotional team like Auburn was last year and Alabama is, well, Alabama. I am a slight LSU lean on a neutral field but the Bama home field seems to even it back up. Saban has a coaching edge in preparation, teaching, system, process, etc, etc, but Lesticles has that big ole hat and can sometimes pull a rabbit or fake field goal out of it in big games.

My prediction... Go Hawgs!

Tuesday, November 01, 2011


After the South Carolina loss, I felt better than I did one week earlier because I saw a lot of fire in the team even though self-inflicted mistakes cost us the game. While there was much belly-aching and overreacting among fans (some friends and family members included) I was of the same belief as Vegas had been before the season began. UGA would be underdogs in the Boise and S. Carolina games and favored in every remaining game. I honestly felt pretty calm about the 0-2 start. Then again, I generally remain calm about most things. It is a Pisces deal.

So when I was in London two weeks ago and saw the pictured coffee mug, I had to have it since it essentially summed up my outlook on life. "KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON." This slogan adorned posters produced by the British Ministry of Information during World War II as the third message in a series of three that would be placed all over England during the War. The third poster never made it to public dissemination however as the War ended before it was used.

I suppose the Brits could have used those posters during the IRA bombing campaign, but at any rate, the slogan somewhat typifies a British attitude towards emergency and I find it quite useful in my own life.

During the first quarter of the game against the Gators, I again found myself drawing upon these words and trying my damnedest to channel it to the sideline. Naturally, keeping calm is Mark Richt's strong suit, so it is to his credit that he was able to keep our team from panicking. At the same time, having Todd Grantham on his side was akin to Churchill having General George Patton on his side. The Dawgs did indeed keep calm and carry on to beat the Gators and hopefully they will ride that emotional victory to 4 more regular season wins.

Now... we can again refer to the timeless British advice as we prepare for a game without a single tailback recruited to play football at UGA. KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON. You all know we will be just fine against New Mexico State with Brandon Harton and a slew of walk-ons playing running back because we will still have our QBs, receivers and tight ends. More importantly, we will still have our full complement on defense, and really, that is all we will need. As Erk Russell said, "If we score, we may win. If they don't score, we won't lose."

Further to the point, my friend Kerri Loudis had the Tweet of the day when she summed up the situation succinctly as follows:

Kerri Loudis
We're going to show Charlie Weis how the empty backfield offense is run!
(By the way, apparently I cannot figure out how to embed a tweet into blogger. I will gladly accept any technical assistance.)

Move forward fearless Dawgs. KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON.